So I was thinking…
…that Mitt Romney’s selling point as a presidential candidate is his business acumen at “turning troubled businesses around.” Based on the historical evidence, Romney’s plan to fix the American economy would probably go something like this:
1. Dismiss 90% of the American population. They would be given 48 hours to leave the country. Any contractual benefits they had already paid into (Social Security, Medicare) would be terminated due to required restructuring.
2. Sell off the country’s unprofitable parts to China and India for scrap. Sorry, Rust Belt! So long, Deep South! You should have been more careful about your profit margins.
3. Rebrand the remaining rump with a catchy new brand identity — “Freedex” or “iReagan” — in order to encourage its purchase by a German or Canadian conglomerate.
4. Cut Romney and his staffers fat checks from the sales windfalls for their expert consulting work.
- 13 notes
- 04 June 2012
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